Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
