i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize