Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
