I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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