so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
