I puked a lego.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
