he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
