For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
