It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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