Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
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I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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