Texts From Last Night

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  (309): View more from Illinois

  dude do u know what u did last night?

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  do i wanna know???

  (309): View more from Illinois

  you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...

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  (309): dude do u know what u did last night? (1-309): do i wanna know??? (309): you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room... http://tfl.nu/9b63
  Replies (13) Good night (2562) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin

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  (262): Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin http://tfl.nu/0pd1
  Replies (65) Good night (3991) Bad night (567)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I look better un-naked...

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  (870): I look better un-naked... http://tfl.nu/umxx
  Replies (10) Good night (788) Bad night (3666)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy

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  (678): she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy http://tfl.nu/57ze
  Replies (17) Good night (6213) Bad night (1373)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.

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  (843): I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out. http://tfl.nu/k8va
  Replies (21) Good night (980) Bad night (4732)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.

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  (802): beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces. http://tfl.nu/r2in
  Replies (32) Good night (813) Bad night (8777)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown

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  (773): after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown http://tfl.nu/azzf
  Replies (7) Good night (923) Bad night (1318)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.

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  (209): I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins. http://tfl.nu/devk
  Replies (11) Good night (2314) Bad night (711)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"

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  (212): I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy" http://tfl.nu/3mee
  Replies (3) Good night (1362) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.

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  (281): Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician. http://tfl.nu/l4gb
  Replies (4) Good night (1062) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"

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  (423): So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY" http://tfl.nu/9gkr
  Replies (1) Good night (448) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.

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  (403): I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together. http://tfl.nu/4qd6
  Replies (4) Good night (670) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."

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  (214): He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here." http://tfl.nu/qwmx
  Replies (0) Good night (596) Bad night (376)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!

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  (810): He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect! http://tfl.nu/9c1u
  Replies (5) Good night (611) Bad night (267)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.

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  (214): Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014. http://tfl.nu/clbp
  Replies (0) Good night (329) Bad night (170)

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