The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
sexting just seems like too much work right now.