Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.

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  (814): Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me. (1-814): I hope you walked the shit out of that shame. http://tfl.nu/1vn7
  Replies (15) Good night (886) Bad night (2183)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.

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  (225): Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over. http://tfl.nu/jb0a
  Replies (16) Good night (2833) Bad night (732)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?

  (516): View more from New York

  one can only hope.

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  (732): I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves? (516): one can only hope. http://tfl.nu/2jko
  Replies (33) Good night (5441) Bad night (693)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet

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  (603): He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet http://tfl.nu/8qij
  Replies (7) Good night (858) Bad night (2399)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.

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  (785): Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend. http://tfl.nu/tpw6
  Replies (26) Good night (733) Bad night (5566)
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  (415): View more from California

  Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.

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  (415): Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass. http://tfl.nu/ng8b
  Replies (71) Good night (6325) Bad night (899)
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  (718): View more from New York

  One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"

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  (718): One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk" http://tfl.nu/wyyx
  Replies (27) Good night (1941) Bad night (4045)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.

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  (817): As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie. http://tfl.nu/p0o8
  Replies (25) Good night (4889) Bad night (1267)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  We stopped her at 12

  (708): View more from Illinois

  12 shots? Or 12 midnight?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Which answer would freak you out less

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  (630): We stopped her at 12 (708): 12 shots? Or 12 midnight? (630): Which answer would freak you out less http://tfl.nu/edb4
  Replies (5) Good night (5705) Bad night (911)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.

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  (423): Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis. http://tfl.nu/t2k7
  Replies (14) Good night (1122) Bad night (4853)
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  (562): View more from California

  If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up

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  (562): If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up http://tfl.nu/jdv3
  Replies (24) Good night (11908) Bad night (1309)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So squirting runs in the family.

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  (603): So squirting runs in the family. http://tfl.nu/x29o
  Replies (16) Good night (3950) Bad night (1414)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?

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  (586): Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking? http://tfl.nu/6uzh
  Replies (1) Good night (557) Bad night (259)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"

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  (860): We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?" http://tfl.nu/8tlk
  Replies (2) Good night (520) Bad night (216)
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  (+66): View more from Thailand

  How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?

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  (+66): How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai? http://tfl.nu/z73d
  Replies (2) Good night (461) Bad night (214)

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