Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
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For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo