when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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