Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
