We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
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I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
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I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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