the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
God I need to hump something, right now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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