yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
