She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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