Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
