youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
