I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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