let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
