You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
