New low: just hacked my moms facebook
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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