i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
