This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
