smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
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I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
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It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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