Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
