the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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