If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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