I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
