Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
