I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
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then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
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do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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