i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
