No awkward lesbian experiences without me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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