I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
