"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
