who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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