dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
