I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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