it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
