ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Use "feeling words"
Yay
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
