I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he just fucked me for my cheese..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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