Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
