they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
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Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
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How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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