I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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