I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
