his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
