let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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