I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
