the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
