Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
send nudes
from the living room?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
