Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
