Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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