First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
