Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
