3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Drunk is a universal language darling
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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