I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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