Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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