Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
