I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
