Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
