when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
