last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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