Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
