dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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