I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
