wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
