yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
