my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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