Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
