I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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