By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
