Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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