I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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