Cold hands, warm shart.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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