I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
