I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
