I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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