things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
