I just saw a hot homeless man
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
