dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
