I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
