One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
